Love languages describe the way we feel loved and appreciated. Each of us feel loved differently based on our individual personalities. It is therefore essential that you understand the different love languages so you can know which of them your partner responds to. You don’t have to do guess work to meet your partner’s needs.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages that humans respond to. They are: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and receiving gifts.
Words of Affirmation
This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. They are simple words that catch the attention of your partner. These words don’t necessarily have to be ambiguous, just simple praises and affirmations of love. If your partner has this as their major love language, words are very important. The same way they’ll respond to positive words is the same way they’ll feel bad if negative words are said to them.
One important thing you must note is that you have to be genuine with your words, because your partner takes every of your words serious. You have to regularly tell them how much you care and love them. You can’t dwell on the fact that, “she knows I love her, I don’t have to say it always.” If her love language is words of affirmation, you’ll have to keep saying it. Giving compliments about the way they look and dress is also important.
Acts of Service
These are people that believe the motto, “Action speaks louder than words.” They are not always moved by words, except you show it. You express love to them by doing things they love. It might be as little as cooking a meal they love, doing the laundry or even the dishes. This requires a lot of time and effort, but it is worth it, if that is your partner’s love language.
Acts of service is not about showing off, it is about having your partner’s best interest at heart. It is not something you do grudgingly, just because you have to. Your partner’s happiness is the motivation to whatever you’re doing as service. It takes sacrifice, and thoughts. Acts of service are much appreciated when it is done without asking.
This is about spending time with them, with all your attention focused on them. If this is your partner’s love language, they don’t just want to fit into the schedule, they want to be the center of your attention. They want you to be focused on them only. You need to dedicate time to them without distractions. It makes them feel secured in the relationship.
They always want to spend time with you. If you have to cancel a get-together with them, they feel hurt, and have the feeling that you value other things more than them. No matter how much gifts or words you get for them, it doesn’t mean anything. All they want is your undivided attention. They don’t want you to be with them and be on your phone chatting, they feel neglected.
For people who have this love language, physical touch is important to them. They are not just satisfied with words of affirmation, gifts or just spending time together. They feel more comfortable with hugging, kissing, holding hands in the park. If you’re of the opinion that you can’t touch when in courtship, and your partner’s love language is physical touch, you will always have issues in that relationship.
Physical touch is not all about sex, it can be just touching their shoulder, or holding their hands. It is more about intimacy with your partner. They feel more connected to you when you’re close to them physically.
Receiving gifts is not about being materialistic. It just means a thoughtful gift that makes your partner feel loved and cared for. It can be as simple as picking up a flower of her favorite color, or picking up a pint of his favorite ice cream. You don’t have to go overboard with your gifts.
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, it is not all about the gifts themselves. It’s just the feeling that you care for and think about them enough to get gifts for them. They feel more loved knowing that you have them in mind even amidst your busy schedule for the week.
Knowing and understanding your partner’s love language helps to build a stronger bond, and meet their needs better. It saves you the stress of doing things they don’t appreciate, because it’s not their love language.