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How to Resolve Conflicts in a Relationship

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It is not unlikely for two people with different beliefs and values to be involved in a relationship without having occasional conflicts. It is left for them to know how to work around those disagreements to avoid separation.

When disagreement happens, it is unwise for lovers to keep it to themselves and start nursing grudges. Communication is key in any healthy relationship. It strengthens and makes the relationship better. When you successfully resolve conflicts, your relationship will be heaven on earth.

1. Find the Real Issue

No conflict happens suddenly, something must have fueled it. So, get to the root of the matter. The first step to resolving conflict is to find out what caused it in the first place. Try to get to the root of the matter. Speak your mind without holding back.

Let your partner know the things he/she is doing that you don’t like. Don’t paper over cracks. If you keep quiet every time your partner hurts you, it would lead to an explosion (confrontation) that you won’t be able to control.
Deal with issues no matter how small it looks; little foxes spoil the vine.

2. Set Boundaries

People have a right to their privacy. When your partner sets a boundary, learn to respect the decision. Don’t expect people to trust you totally from the beginning, work to earn their trust.

There are certain things you should agree with your partner that you would never do. Have certain words you won’t speak to each other no matter how angry you are with each other.

3. Agree to Disagree

If you and your partner have been on an issue for a long time and it doesn’t seem like it is getting resolved, the best thing to do is to drop it. You can’t both agree on everything. One of you will disagree sometimes. Learn to drop matters that don’t matter. If the matter is too important for either of you to drop and you can’t agree to disagree, then maybe, you’re not compatible.

4. Compromise When Possible

Compromising is a major part of conflict resolution in any healthy relationship. It is not easy, but it is necessary. Sometimes, you will have to compromise and go with your partner’s desire; not because you are a fool, but those are things you do in the name of love.

However, this point is not applicable to critical matters like your career. The main thing is to find a middle ground that can allow both of you to feel satisfied on the long run.

5. Consider Everything

Is the issue important? Does it affect how you both feel towards each other? Are you compromising on your values and morals? If your answer to this is yes, then you really need to state your position.

But, If not, then you may need to compromise. Consider things from your partner’s point of view. Why is this issue bringing up a fight? How do your partner see this issue? Are you being selfish or inconsiderate? You need to consider everything first before you conclude.

6. Be Direct

Some people don’t just come out plainly to state what is bothering them. Instead, they choose indirect ways. One partner may speak to the other in a hostile manner which may be more dangerous than the issue.

Another partner may just mope and pout without really addressing the issue. Such indirect ways of expressing anger do not give the person involved the best ways to respond. If you really want to resolve a conflict, you should come direct and let the other person know what the issue is; plain and direct.

7. Do not use ‘always

When addressing a problem, avoid making general statements about your partner. ‘That is how you always do’, ‘you’re always staring at your phone’ words like this put your partner off. These statements make people defensive and it is one of the major causes of conflict in a relationship. When an issue comes up, address the issue itself, you do not have to nail it on your partner.

8. Talk about how you feel without blaming your partner

Everyone wants to be free when discussing how they feel about an issue. When you blame your partner; it corrodes your relationship. Talk about the issue in a constructive manner, not in a way that will make your partner feel guilty. Do not play the blame game, it leads nowhere, rather, it fuels the conflict.

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